Dearest One

Dear ___________ ,

        I'm afraid I'm only human. Sometimes I forget how to tell the difference between dreams and reality. Dreams. . . I only have memories of dreams that were once forgotten long ago. I tried to forget, but I always remembered. I always rememeber that I had dreams only of you.

        I don't know why I'm writing this. Perhaps it is just this undeniable feeling I have inside that I can no longer hold within. There's so much about you that I still wish I knew, and yet I know I could never get that close to anyone. I wonder how'd you react if I reached out just to touch your face, to hold you in the palm of my hand and to try to look beyond the person everyone else sees. Would you think any less of me for that?

        I wonder what it'd be like to hold you in my arms and to know if I could care for someone again. Everyone's gone through so much in their lives, believe me, love, I've seen plenty. I know the heart is a fragile thing, but I have easily forgotten what it is like to care for someone so deeply. And to think I could feel such a way for someone like you.

         If you asked how I felt, it'd be hard to express it in words. But I've tried, believe me I've tried and tried again. Sitting by the window, looking at the world outside, all I could think about was you, and the inspiration that came to me.

I'd give it all away
 just give it all away
 if I could wish for one thing
it'd be the same thing I've been wishing for so long
I'd do anything to make things right again
'cause things had become so wrong
and I know I've been selfish
I know I've been leaving everything behind
 only to gain nothing in the end
because there's no one left in my mind
 just memories of those who were
 and the dream of someone once loved
 but can never be loved by someone
...like me...
 
          Why do those words seem so fitting when it comes to you? Perhaps because it just is. I don't want to complicate things for you, but I just can't live in the dark any longer. I've hidden away and been afraid of what may happen because of me. I still don't know what may happen, but I want to continue living.

           The heart is a fragile thing. I wish I knew where my heart is now, for I lost all the pieces as I went on through life. With each day, a piece was broken off and I have been left feeling nothing but emptiness ever since.

            ...Forgive me, my love, I can't feel for anyone else but you...

 

I wish you could see that...

                                                 Always,
                                                        --j

 
p.s I'll be here, always. Don't forget, my love, because I said always.