Unexpressed Insecurities

There's these thoughts in my mind
that never seems to leave me
they haunt my troubled dreams
which leave me with uncertainty

The thought of chances come to mind
as I sit and wait restlessly
to forget or to be forgotten
it is all the same to me.

I know that no one's perfect
but why does it seem so hard?
To live this life of misery
and to let all my insecurities part.

Will anyone truly listen
to what I have to say?
And yet I remain unheard
as I walk through life day by day.

(c)Josephine Lin
written on: June 10th, 2004


I wrote this at school in the library after I was done with my work. I just had this itching to write something down, I wasn't sure why I wrote this...I guess mainly because it pertains to how I feel about my life.

Too many things have changed, I've realized that and everyone else has as well. Although, I wish that people could finally see that not all changes are for the better. I've just grown tired and weary of everything. I know it's selfish to say that I don't care anymore, but so be it. I'm tired of all the bickering and the different sides of stories. The point is, I don't care anymore, I shouldn't have to care because all of it is pointless. We should just accept the changes and move on with life, rather than dwelling on it and making things worse.

I know I'm the type of person who doesn't like having people mad at me...I always want people to be happy. I try asking people to tell me my real flaws, because I'd like them to be honest with me. I know a lot of people will get mad if you tell them the truth, but I just want the truth, rather than being talked about behind my back. I am too easily swayed to want to help people so much, but I don't want to help them unless they ask me for it. But at this point, I feel as though I need time to be selfish and think of myself and my problems for once and find a way to solve them rather than putting them aside to make room for the problems of everyone else.

If you really knew me, like truly know who I am... you'd know the way I act and know what I'm going through right now and what's going on in my life. If you don't know, then obviously you didn't care from the start, and I don't blame you because you don't have to care.

I just want to thank the very few who are still true and have helped me cope with these problems I've been having. I know these problems have been going for quite some time (especially the ones at home), but thanks for always listening. You guys know who you are *cough*georgie*cough*jeff*cough.. =) hehe.. thanks for everything you guys.

Speaking of Jeff.. I just wanted to say Happy Birthday Bro, I love you and I mean every word I said about our conversation today. You know how I feel about what's been going on, and thanks for listening. And I was being truthful about how I said I wanted to just turn everything else away. I'm glad you understand and want to do the same as well. Hope you have the best birthday a 15 year old can have.

I'm sorry I can't be there with you, to see you on this day. You may think of it as just another day, but it's not! It's a special day..and enjoy it while it lasts. This is the first day of the rest of your 15-year-old career. haha..did that make sense? If not..then okay!

alright..I think that's enough words said..Goodnight.

-joSeE