The Forgotten One

Well, I know I haven't blogged in a while. Things are better now, or at least for the time being. I can't complain. Well, Christmas was wonderful... it's been crazy..but Christmas Eve was great! yea.. well.. what can I say? School is starting again next Monday. AHHH dunno if I want to go back. Missing family, like Elka, koko Handi, cici Audrey. Hope you guys are well !!! ahh >.<

The Forgotten One

j.L works

Prologue

"The tears...may they never be forgotten ones."

His words echoes in my mind and I can't seem to let go of it...

"Father...I wish to ask for forgiveness."

"Daughter... what do you wish to confess to me and to God? God will always forgive you.."

But..for all my sins..will God be able to forgive me now? I remember I left the church that day, contemplating the sermon. I do recall the millions of times I left church even more confused than how I was before I entered the confession box.

Everyday of my life I wondered my purpose as to why I was still living. I can tell you the exact date and times I could've and should've died...but instead I live to tell my story and wonder what prolongs my death. Perhaps, I would serve another purpose but I cannot see a reasonable one.

People have told me numerous times to not think about the past, but to think about the life that's ahead of me. "I can't," I would tell them."I can't look to the life that's ahead of me..when I have a whole life that's behind me!" People are sympathetic towards me, but I always refuse their pity. I find that pity is a waste of human emotion and it helps the person very little. No one understands that the pain I have inside, is not one I just created for myself. No, it's more than that. It's a pain that was created by dying a thousand times over and maybe even more, because inside...inside I'm already dead.


Chime: 1- Innocence

"Blue...wavering...pure and untouched.......innocent."

The sound of the tip of a pencil scratching upon the surface of a notebook filled the room.

"..innocent.."

The pencil broke and he began to look up at me. He looked at me with curious eyes. We gazed intensely into each others eyes, but he was the first to turn away. He filled the awkward gap by clearing his throat. I watched him as he placed the notebook down and got up to get another pencil.

"Is..that so suprising?" I inquired."It's a simple word. Innocent."

Perhaps my response startled him for he dropped his pencil and he bent down to pick it up once more. I observed the fact that he seemed more tired today than any other day we've met. His hair was ruffled as if it was tugged numerous times. His tie unkept and sleeves rolled up. Bags formed underneathe his eyes and dark circles outlined them. He took a deep breath which signaled to me that he had his mind elsewhere. I knew it because when he answered me, he had this distant look in his eyes.

"Perhaps, you ought to tell me. Is 'innocent' really as simple as you make it seem?"

"Is anything ever as simple as I make it seem?" I retorted. He seemed amused by this and smiled. He walked around his desk and sat in his leather chair. It was worned out and old. It was the most capricious thing out of the whole room, which I found rather odd.

"Vincentia, why don't you tell me, what's so significant about this word,'innocent'. I know it must mean something to you, for you repeated it several times throughout this conversation and throughout all our conversations that we've ever had since you first came to me. Now I know, you've told me over, persay, a million times what it means, but I would like to hear it from you again."

At this time, I was already walking around his room touching here and there the little trinkets and baubles he had on display. I know he's watching me. He's always watching me, and I know what he thinks about me, too.

He says in his head,"..even with bandaged feet and hands, she moves with grace....her tone is soft..but her words are harsh.... she knows I'm watching her..she knows..and I know that she knows it, too.."

"Well, " I began. "It seems to me we never go through a session without you inquiring about 'innocence'. Perhaps you ought to tell me now, what the word means to you." I gave him a quick look and continued to gaze at him. There was a deep silence that seems to pierce the dark shadows that creep upon the room, as day begins to slip uselessly away.The clock began to chime, and the uncomfortable silence was broken.

"That's it for today, Vincentia. I'll see you again next week." He got up to leave and I noticed that my hand was now rolled into a fist.

Saved...by the bell.. heh.. but next time..you will tell me...Ronaldo.. I thought in my head. ...because bells aren't always going to be there to help you...especially when they can't even help the innocent..



I feel as though...that a lot of things were left unsaid in whatever I've written.. I know that this was poorly written >.<>