Lacking Inspiration

Okay, so I must admit, lately I've been lacking inspiration in many aspects of my creative works. I haven't been able to write...I haven't been able to play music... I haven't been able to produce any sort of artwork whatsoever. It seems like everytime I try to start, I know that it's just all so wrong. Practically I've been going on hiatus, if that is the right word to use. If not, then..yea. But anyways...

I guess everyone needs the chance to find themselves. I had always thought that through my artwork, my music, my literature, my everything..I'd find myself. But instead, I found that it was just my way of trying to escape from whatever it is I was running from. All I do is just run away from that which I do not wish to face. Perhaps at times people find me strong, and I guess there's that potential to be strong within everyone. It all depends on who chooses to live up to that potential, or whether they let things go by.

I really thought I could escape through it all. Perhaps it gave me some console, but even so, in the end I still have those unanswered questions. I've left myself with even more questions, as I am left here to wonder what is it that I want in my life.

A blank canvas, lacking in color, lacking in inspiration, lacking in emotion, lacking in everything-- it drives me crazy. What is it that I desire? What is it that I really expect from all of my endeavors? I wish I knew... I wish I knew.

But everyone wants their questions to be answered as well. So what makes me so different from the rest of them? What sets me apart from the rest of the world? Does my actions or words justify myself? Or perhaps, simply my existence justifies everything for me. Either way... only I can justify what I need to, because I know that there's so much that would be left unresolved.

At this point all I can say is that everything I've ever played, everything I've ever drawn into existence, everything I've ever said... just is. I don't need to explain it, because I know... it's meant for me...


Sofia didn't understand why she was putting herself through it all again. She thought she had left her past behind, her old life behind-- everything she had ever known. Why were they doing this to her? She simply couldn't comprehend it, and yet she knew they were coming. They were coming for her.

It seemed like it was just yesterday that she was sitting at the doorstep of her house, watching the skies change before her. The sun was setting behind the trees as light sneaked through its golden leaves. Tomorrow would be a new day. However, she didn't think that it would change her life so much. Sofia didn't know what she would be heading for. She didn't know what the future held for her. All she knew was that she couldn't turn back. No. She could never look back ever again.

Now, as she stands before him with his hand open before her, she knew it was right. Yes, now she knew. It was all meant to be. It all led up to this one moment, because her dreams forsaw it, and she had forseen it. Sofia took his hand and all of the overwhelming emotions within her was unleashed as she broke down in an endless convulsion of tears.

There was no turning back now. She had taken his hand and accepted the unknown future that awaits her. "It's going to be hard, I know," she thought to herself. However, she accepted it. And in her heart she knew... yes, she knew...

<3 jL


p.s dead eyes and fireflies for me...