Losing Everything

Have you ever had that feeling that everything you touched, everything you've ever known, everything you've ever believed in, just fell apart right before your eyes. At this time, on this day, I've never felt so lost in my whole entire life.

I feel as though, these past couple of days, I've found myself alone. But why?

I sit in my house, alone, letting the heat swelter throughout my house, my home, my shelter...and I sit on the floor waiting. Waiting for what? Waiting for those tears to come. Those tears that have hidden away deep inside, somewhere lost among the sea of emotions. Somewhere deep from that void I continue to let grow in me. Slowly I'm dying...I'm dying.

I didn't think I could ever lose so much so quickly. Maybe it was because I wanted to believe that everything was alright. That tomorrow will be a better day, and finally things will be fine. I was too foolish, too naive to see what I had in front of me. I wanted to ignore the signs that things were wrong. I just wanted to keep living in the dream world. But, now I'm close to waking up.

These dreams...this world... is slowly slipping away. My life is no longer under my control. It is as though that something else is leading me down the path towards the end. Why can't I control it? Maybe because I'm tired of fighting back...I have nothing left in me to just yell out and say,"STOP" maybe I've been wanting to accept defeat...maybe I just want everything to end.

Tears. That is all I had today. Tears.

I wept for my losses, I wept for my pain, I wept for others, and mainly I wept for myself. It's days like today, where you realize that although you don't want to give up something you truly love...sometimes you just have to.

I've lost so much... too many too name... either that or I'm too afraid of the tears that may come from reciting everything and everyone that is lost to me. Sacrifices..we all have to make sacrifices, but is it so wrong to want something for yourself for once?

I've drifted from people... I've drifted from myself.At this point, I just feel as though I don't want to deal with anyone or anything. A part of me feels as though I could just fall and fall, and let myself drown deeper in the abyss, letting it consume me until I am nothing but a memory of someone who was once long forgotten.

A part of me just wants to die... is that so wrong? and yet... I know, that inside I'm already dead. I've let myself die... I let myself go... I let myself become so..lost

because it's so cold... so...dead